if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
