My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
