she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize