i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
