he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
