"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
