I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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