Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
