I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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