She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
