That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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