Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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