yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this boner is exhausting
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
