Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
