in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
