do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
