I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
