When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
