I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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