Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
