I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
