Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just found puke in my bra..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
