Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
