hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i out mim tonsoeep
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