the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
