just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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