What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
