You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize