He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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