They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How drunk are you?
Completed.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
