You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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