Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
