my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it glows. i had to have it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
