He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
