remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
