By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
