he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize