well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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