enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
