so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
