Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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