i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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