I'm so fucking centered right now
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
