But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
