the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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