Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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