Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
