i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize