Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
