I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
