So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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