You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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