if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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