Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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