oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
