It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So many bounce houses so little time
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
