giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
