we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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