Sorry, I don't speak sober.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
