Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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