So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
