How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
