Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
