Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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