Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
