What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize