We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
