Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Sober January is a disaster.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
