She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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