3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
