I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize