I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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