Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize