look no pants
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
