He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
