This is not my ceiling
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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