Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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