i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
