we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
