I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
