at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
