One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Enjoy the penises
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
