I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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