So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
