We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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