Already got asked if we're dating
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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