He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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