Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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