Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
