To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
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