You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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