Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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